Pregnant

NO IM NOT HAVING A BABY! 

I HAVE NOT BEEN FERTILIZED. I just like the word. Sit down. Catch your breath. No. No child. 

(Although truth be told if my life partner ever gets his reality together and realizes I’m his everything he ever wanted and he is ready to chose to love me unconditionally forever, I could TOTALLY have two more babies! But no, not today. Because he isn’t ready for me yet. I also don’t know who he is.)

Anyhoo. Pregnant.

preg·nant

/ˈpreɡnənt/

adjective

1.

(of a woman or female animal) having a child or young developing in the uterus.

“a pregnant woman”

synonyms: expecting a baby, expectant, carrying a child; More

2.

full of meaning; significant or suggestive.

“a pregnant pause”

synonyms: full of, filled with, charged with, heavy with, fraught with, replete with, rich in, abounding in…

This word was with me all day today but I waited until the end of the day for three specific reasons:

1. I fell asleep in a pile of laundry on my couch watching the new X Files last night. Truth. Body said, “nope.”

2. I woke up at 3am and feverishly tried to get myself together for a hectic Monday. Body was like, “eh ok, that was a good nap.”

3. Less time for you YES YOU to freak out and think I’m actually having someone’s child. I’ll be on Tuesday’s word before you get that far…ideally. 

But yes. I’ve felt “pregnant” all day today. Again not physically – #beentheredonethat – but pregnant as like a pause…full, heavy, expecting…

I have creative “babies” within my spirit. They are incubating. Little fetuses of passions, thoughts, ideas, goals, dreams, callings, that are aching to be born. I feel like I’m in a metaphysical 39th week of gestation and I just need to pop these suckers out. 

But I will wait. Because they will be birthed when they are ready. Ripe. Full term. And so for now I am simply…pregnant. With fulfilled dreams. 

~OR