S A N K O F A

I’m crossing into the next decade wrapped in the arms of SANKOFA — that go back and get it, your baggage made you amazing, your past is the seasoning to your future, can’t grow without roots feeling that I am who I am because of what I experienced — and that is a glorious empowering feeling. I’m embracing the last ten years and moved to tears about what the next ten have in store. I’ve got so many feels. So much to be grateful for. I have the best kids in the galaxy. I have the best friends in the universe. I am so fluffing excited and overflowing with love. Here’s a recap:

DAY WORK:

SLAYING. Best year ever. I have a growing positive reputation under new leadership, which is opening doors to meaningful shifts in my own career and for the future of our team. Plus I love saying that I work at one of the leading children’s hospitals in the country. Even though I don’t see patients, my work is meaningful and the cause is worthy.

LIFE WORK:

  • I started producing two new podcasts but lost motivation on one of them — detailed by an issue to be mentioned later.
  • I only published one new book this year when I intended to publish two or three. BUT I PUBLISHED ANOTHER BOOK!
  • I wrote and recorded a short film score.
  • I appeared in one film and two TV shows.
  • I started a new manuscript — thats three novels in the wings, not including The Hibouleans.
  • SEVERAL incredible book events from Detroit to Aurora and I was so honored to share a panel at Wakandacon with groundbreaking black SFF novelists.
  • I danced all over Chicago — Grant Park, cubbie bear, links hall and in both airports!
  • And I got to perform a few shows in Chicago and Michigan with an incredible band.

I have a few other ideas in the works to come out in 2020 😍😍😍

PERSONAL WINS:

I got a new bed! I had been sleeping on the same mattress I had since I was 16 🤣 I feel like a whole grown up now!

I went on an epic adventure — I’ve always been a spontaneous risk taker but because of LIFE I hadn’t left the country in 15 years. It was a profound shift in my self worth and manifesting my dreams.

I joined a new church community that is nurturing and affirming in all the ways I need right now with little Octavia-shaped spaces for me to serve the community too.

And Morrison DaVinci Coltrane Reese AKA MUPPET has joined our family!!!!

ROMANCE:

I was intentionally dateless in 2018… I thought I was ready to dive back in in 2019 but I wasn’t. What I won’t do: I will not *look* for someone. I will not chase someone that doesn’t emphatically reciprocate a desire to be with me. I will not settle. I will not be ridiculed. What I will do: I’m going to keep taking time to meet my own needs, date myself, have fun with myself and be open to the truth that who is for me will come to me with unconditional acceptance 🥰

I got married before I was ready. I had kids before I was ready. I got a divorce before I was ready. I’ve been playing catch-up my whole adult life barely making ends meet.

MONEY:

Finances continue to be painful for me. I got married before I was ready. I had kids before I was ready. I got a divorce before I was ready. I’ve been playing catch-up my whole adult life barely making ends meet. BUT my lights are on and I refuse to let my children grow up the way I did… On someone else’s couch. In someone else’s bed. Doing homework by candlelight. Never having friends over… and I’m certain 2020 is the year when things flip. For the best. And I will never have to have a neck pain, a stomach ache, a twitching eye over money again!

MESSES:

I’m getting sued! It’s a long and agonizing process. If you ask me privately, I’ll direct you to public records. But I won’t comment publicly at this time.

FRIENDS:

I have been practicing intentional friendship the last year or two. Realizing that I’ve always been a bit awkward and I never knew how to do it properly, it’s taken a considerable effort to emphatically reciprocate true friendship. And let me tell you: I HAVE THE BEST FRIENDS. Regardless of the state or country, you spoil me. You remind me that I’m fun and worthy and beautiful and lovable. You know my love languages. In addition to the best gifts ever, you bring me unconditional love, acceptance and forgiveness when I flake. And you never stop. You see me. I am so grateful for your love and laughter. And I am doing my best to mirror it back and reflect big shiny love all over you too. Ok I have to stop because I’m crying.

GROWTH:

Remembering The Force is real. Shifting my inner dialogue. Maintaining healthy boundaries. Advocating for myself — being assertive is not being “mean.” More tattoos. More travel. More 🦆 YES moments. 😁😅🥰

Cheers to 2020

~OR

Unlimited

un·lim·it·ed
/ˌənˈlimidəd/
adjective

not limited or restricted in terms of number, quantity, or extent.
“the range of possible adaptations was unlimited”
synonyms: inexhaustible, limitless, illimitable, boundless, immeasurable, incalculable, untold, infinite, endless, bottomless, never-ending 

  • BRITISH
    (of a company) not limited.
  • MATHEMATICS
    (of a problem) having an infinite number of solutions.

Today I am embracing my inner Elphaba Thropp. I’m defying gravity.

Responsibility, obligations, change, debt, delayed dreams and transforming relationships all have their claws in my flesh, yanking me downward at 9.8m/s.

That is my gravity. But today, today, finally I am defying it. I am unlimited.

I have options. I have choices. I have a voice. I can stand up for myself and what I truly want in life-relationships-and I have infinite options!

And so do you. Your gravity may be different. It could be a terrifying diagnosis, a death in the family, the death of a relationship…

Today I hope you, too learn to release the restrictions of shoulds (stubborn), fears (fearless), embrace your inner super-self (invincible) and defy your gravity.

~OR

Invincible

Today, I am invincible.

in·vin·ci·ble

inˈvinsəb(ə)l/

adjective

adjective: invincible

  1. too powerful to be defeated or overcome.

“an invincible warrior”

synonyms: invulnerable, indestructible, unconquerable, unbeatable, indomitable, unassailable; More

 

You get two sides of me today that combine for all that I am currently feeling: Old Church Lady and Universal Goddess.

  

 First, Old Church Lady:

Hi hunny how you doin. Praise Jesus. Let us turn to Romans Chapter 8, verse 31.

31 What, then, shall we say in response to these things? If God is for us, who can be against us?

 CAN I GET AN AMEN!?

I mean seriously. I didn’t even finish sharing everything I adore about this passage. That right there makes we want to jump up, shout HALLELUJER, cry, dance, throw myself on the floor, roll around in God juice, and do it all over again. I mean for real. Romans 8:31 gives me a burning hot case of the Holy Ghost.

Let us continue…

 37 No, in all these things we are more than conquerors…

(DID YOU SEE THAT? More. Than. Conquerors. Hot damn. My burning hot case of the Holy Ghost just flared up again.)

 …through him who loved us. 38 For I am convinced that neither death nor life, neither angels nor demons,[k] neither the present nor the future, nor any powers, 39 neither height nor depth, nor anything else in all creation, will be able to separate us from the love of God that is in Christ Jesus our Lord.

YAS! YAAAS. YUSSSSS.

Every time I feel like I’ve been kicked in the teeth repeatedly by complete strangers –

Every time I look to those in my life that should love me unconditionally and don’t –

Every time I have to choose to maturely work through the pain of rejection –

Every time I step aside and deliberately decide to not be a victim –

Every time I look at injustices around me; not only in my own life but so many of us that struggle –

Every time I wonder WTF –

Every time I see others writhing in grief –

I open up this passage and remember: THIS. IS. TEMPORARY. You can do this – I can do this – because, really – who could possibly be against us?

And now, Universal Goddess me levitates into the room, calmly stretches her arms in a receiving-energy stature. Her voice sounds like the gentle vibration of harp strings:

 “You are a child of the universe no less than the trees and the stars; you have a right to be here.

And whether or not it is clear to you, no doubt the universe is unfolding as it should.”

THAT IS DOPE. DOPE! And from my most favorite poem ever here (Desiderata on Father’s Day).

Like really. We all got this. We’re made of the same stuff as the stars! REALLY! REALLY. That. Is. Dope. Stars do their star thing. They grow. They shine. They burn. And it is good and right and well. Whatever is happening is just part of how we shine brighter and brighter until we become a new form of energy. What sets out to destroy stars?

So yes, today, I am the stars. I am more than a conqueror. I am invincible.

~OR

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