I’ve learned so much about myself over the last year – especially that I have introvert tendencies and need time to be a hermit. I need that alone time to recharge my own battery and recover from the world. I’m an empath on many levels and my non-stop interaction with people can be as draining as it is energizing.
Anyhoo, it was during my hermit mode last night as I plopped on the couch after work and barely moved til morning. I turned on the TV, which I rarely get time to do and I simply potatoed. I watched an interview on Oprah’s Where Are They Now with Kathy Kinney. Yes, Drew’s very own Mimi character.
Well, this woman is brilliant.
She has a book and blog called QUEEN of your own life. She said, “Happiness is an inside job. When you compare your insides to someone else’s outside, you will always come up short. When someone is working overtime to give you the message that you are not “enough,” that’s a glaring sign to turn on your heels and walk away. In fact, run away. That person or group of people are toxic.”
So while I was a hermit last night, I was about to turn on the Victoria’s Secret Fashion Show, simply because I like watching women parade around sometimes. I mean who doesn’t…I am a former beauty queen after all. But then I decided, no. No. I’m going to sit here and watch Ghostbusters. And then I’m going get up and make a quesadilla. And then I’m going to come back to this here very spot on my couch and watch Home Alone 2. I made the conscious decision not to watch those mostly naked ladies. Why? Because I would feel like shit today.
Because all I would do is stare at their unnaturally flawless skin, hair, breasts, butts, and waistlines; their hair-bump-less underarms and bikini lines; their unobtainable legginess. And then I would take tedious mental notes of how not a single part of my body looks like an inch of theirs and never has and never will.
And then, I thought about Mimi. I’m sorry. Her name is Kathy. I thought about Kathy.
When you compare your insides to someone else’s outside, you will always come up short.
I thought about being my own Queen. I thought about how my own Road to Relovery is undoing years of feeling like the dirt on the bottom of someone’s shoe. It’s partially about dating and searching for romance, but it’s also about loving myself first. So, no. I didn’t watch Vicky See’s last night. I sat on my couch and ate my dang quesadilla. And this morning, I felt rested. I felt sexy. I felt powerful. I felt like I could conquer the world.