Stubborn

 

stub·born
ˈstəbərn/
adjective
  1. having or showing dogged determination not to change one’s attitude or position on something, especially in spite of good arguments or reasons to do so.
    “he accused her of being a silly, stubborn old woman”

 

 

 

 

 

#sorrynotsorry

Today – and as I grow, heal, mature, and hopefully evermore – I am stubborn. Being the peacekeeping, balance-loving, diplomatic Libra that I am, I usually believe there is always a compromise and solution – we just need to explore the possibilities and find it. But there are some things I have learned are nonnegotiable. Some things are what they are – some people are who they are – and I’m finally learning to be unapologetically me.

So, Sorry. I’m not sorry. The list below is my final farewell to things about myself I have learned to love, despite others’ – yes real people’s – strong suggestions to change, eliminate, or “correct” – and yes, I said “correct” with a side-eye.  Skip you. I’m not sorry.

I’m not sorry for having a wide nose.

I’m not sorry for having full lips.

I’m not sorry for having brown skin.

I’m not sorry for having dark scars.

I’m not sorry for having dark brown eyes.

I’m not sorry for looking like Vanessa Williams.

I’m not sorry for having a bubble butt.

I’m not sorry for having a lisp.

I’m not sorry for having a crooked smile.

I’m not sorry for having brown gums.

I’m not sorry for having bulging eyes.

I’m not sorry for not talking how you think I should talk.

I’m not sorry I’m independent.

I’m not sorry I’m not attached to my phone.

I’m not sorry I didn’t want a second date.

I’m not sorry I passionately want to explore all my talents.

I’m not sorry I want to be a working mother.

I’m not sorry the laundry isn’t always clean.

I’m not sorry the house isn’t always spotless.

I’m not sorry I hate shaving my arm pits.

I’m not sorry I get hair bumps when I do reluctantly shave them.

I’m not sorry I also hate shaving my ahem…

I’m not sorry I don’t shower every day.

I’m not sorry I have thick, coarse, self-knotting hair.

I’m not sorry I have short nails.

I’m not sorry I have rough palms.

I’m not sorry I love everyone.

I’m not sorry I love white people.

I’m not sorry I love black people.

I’m not sorry I’m black.

I’m not sorry my pelvis isn’t flexible.

I’m not sorry I don’t always enjoy chicken wings.

I’m not sorry I’m allergic to watermelon.

I’m not sorry I defy your stereotypes.

I’m not sorry I have stripy stretch marks after carrying four children.

I’m not sorry I will never look the same in a bikini.

I’m not sorry for wearing a bikini.

I’m not sorry for being vulnerable.

I’m not sorry for speaking freely.

I’m not sorry for having ideas.

I’m not sorry for talking.

I’m not sorry for speaking up.

I’m sorry for singing.

I’m not sorry for refusing to work for free.

I’m not sorry my name is hard to pronounce.

I’m not sorry I’m afraid of the dark.

I’m not sorry I’m a slow reader.

I’m not sorry I don’t enjoy deep analytical conversations.

I’m not sorry for walking away from an abusive situation.

I’m not sorry for exiting an abusive conversation.

I’m not sorry for refusing to participate in gossip.

I’m not sorry having a tattoo.

I’m not sorry for wanting a hundred more.

I’m not sorry for liking tattoos.

I’m not sorry for being attractive.

I’m not sorry for dressing well.

I’m not sorry for not giving you my phone number.

I’m not sorry for not smiling when I don’t feel like smiling.

I’m not sorry for following my dreams.

I’m not sorry for loving karaoke.

I’m not sorry for enjoying TV.

I’m not sorry for loving a day on the couch.

I’m not sorry for having abstract ideas.

I’m not sorry for being creative.

I’m not sorry for not fitting into your box.

I’m not sorry for not being Michelle Obama.

I’m not sorry for having goals.

I’m not sorry for laughing too loud.

I’m not sorry for dancing too much.

I’m not sorry for being silly.

I’m not sorry my feet stink some times.

I’m not sorry for farting.

I’m not sorry for slacking on my pedicures.

I’m not sorry for having a sweet tooth.

I’m not sorry for having three children.

I’m not sorry I refused to be talked down to.

I’m not sorry for being intuitive.

I’m not sorry for being right.

I’m not sorry for making mistakes.

I’m not sorry for being happy.

I’m not sorry for being sad.

I’m not sorry for needing help.

I’m not sorry for falling in love.

I’m not sorry for changing my mind.

I’m not sorry for believing in magic.

I’m not sorry for being Christian.

I’m not sorry for looking for the truth in all religions.

I’m not sorry for saying, “No.”

I’m not sorry for being strong.

I’m not sorry for being brave.

I’m not sorry for not counting calories.

I’m not sorry I’m finally starting to know my worth.

I’m not sorry for being Octavia.

 

~OR

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Patient

pa·tient
ˈpāSHənt/
adjective
  1. 1.
    able to accept or tolerate delays, problems, or suffering without becoming annoyed or anxious.
    “be patient, your time will come”
noun
  1. 1.
    a person receiving or registered to receive medical treatment.
    synonyms: sick person, case; More

  2. 2.
    LINGUISTICS
    the semantic role of a noun phrase denoting something that is affected or acted upon by the action of a verb.

 

I misspelled this word in my 5th grade spelling bee. I’ll never forget it again.

I wanted to share this word earlier this week but I felt so overwhelmingly LOVED, I shared that word first. I patiently awaited the best time to share PATIENT. And so, in my best Rafiki voice from The Lion King,

It is time.

I saw this picture on facebook yesterday, which was breathtakingly relevant.

I used to pray for patience. I wanted to learn how to quietly and calmly wait. It is not an easy skill to learn. But I learned from the best. One of my godmothers taught me one of my first lessons in patience.

She showed me the beauty of shutting up – how simple it is to keep your mouth closed, when you so desperately want to put someone in their place.

She led by example in this too. “Aunt Marcy, why aren’t you talking?” I’d ask with a mischievous grin.

She would simply smile and shake her head.

As and adult I now know what this meant:

It’s better to say nothing at all than to rush into spewing words you cannot take back.

I also learned patience with others. This was an acquired lesson over time that I patiently pieced together from my own experiences:

Relationships cannot be rushed. Careers cannot be forced. We cannot change others, only our expectations of them…

And patience with myself: Instruments cannot be mastered in one sitting. Concertos cannot be perfected with cram-practicing. Watercolor masterpieces are muddied with haste. Binge studying is worthless in the end. Grieving the loss of a parent or the death of a relationship takes …t  i  m  e

Friends, Rome was not built in a day. And nothing in nature blooms all year. Breathe deep. Calm your mind. Soit patient… whatever it is you desire most and wherever it is you want to be – these things will come to you when the time is right.

~OR

Catalyst

cat·a·lyst

ˈkad(ə)ləst/

noun

noun: catalyst; plural noun: catalysts

  1. a substance that increases the rate of a chemical reaction without itself undergoing any permanent chemical change.
    • a person or thing that precipitates an event.

 

“the governor’s speech acted as a catalyst for debate”

synonyms: stimulus, stimulation, spark, sparkplug, spur, incitement, impetus

“the governor’s speech was a catalyst for debate”

Last night after drafting this and getting eyeballs deep into editing, my 7-year-old Acer netbook crashed. The poor thing usually has a daily dance on the grave but this one was irreversible.

I was devastated. My files. My work. My empty bank account that can’t support its replacement. I was overwhelmed with grief. You can watch the snapchat version of my neurotic meltdown  that spanned 7:30-11:30pm below. Seriously. The anguish of a computer crash mid-edit for a writer is ugly. UGLY.


But once I finally gave up on it and gave in to a complete overhaul, the most incredible thing happened.

My old withering obsolete piece of technology came back stronger than ever. Programs I had long abandoned were 100% repaired, functional and even updated to 2016 standards! <<gasp>>

Sometimes the best thing is a gut-rehab. And oddly enough this is a life trend…

I have the pleasure of being part of a personal brand study by a phenomenal woman I recently met at a networking/mentorship event.

As I spoke freely in a catharsis sort of way about my passions and life and work experience, she uncovered several patterns; one of them being an agent of change.

She then flattered me with a comparison to Scandal’s Olivia Pope!

<<jaw drops, hits floor>>

Apparently my hidden talent is precipitating change and restructuring organizations. And looking back, I have a very successful and convincing track record. I love it when I learn a new cool thing about myself.

Now if I could just figure out how to market myself as an agent of change and have people pay me millions to HANDLE IT… and have an amazing wardrobe like Liv’s to match.

<<googly drooling heart eyes ninja unicorn face>>

~OR

its handled