S A N K O F A

I’m crossing into the next decade wrapped in the arms of SANKOFA — that go back and get it, your baggage made you amazing, your past is the seasoning to your future, can’t grow without roots feeling that I am who I am because of what I experienced — and that is a glorious empowering feeling. I’m embracing the last ten years and moved to tears about what the next ten have in store. I’ve got so many feels. So much to be grateful for. I have the best kids in the galaxy. I have the best friends in the universe. I am so fluffing excited and overflowing with love. Here’s a recap:

DAY WORK:

SLAYING. Best year ever. I have a growing positive reputation under new leadership, which is opening doors to meaningful shifts in my own career and for the future of our team. Plus I love saying that I work at one of the leading children’s hospitals in the country. Even though I don’t see patients, my work is meaningful and the cause is worthy.

LIFE WORK:

  • I started producing two new podcasts but lost motivation on one of them — detailed by an issue to be mentioned later.
  • I only published one new book this year when I intended to publish two or three. BUT I PUBLISHED ANOTHER BOOK!
  • I wrote and recorded a short film score.
  • I appeared in one film and two TV shows.
  • I started a new manuscript — thats three novels in the wings, not including The Hibouleans.
  • SEVERAL incredible book events from Detroit to Aurora and I was so honored to share a panel at Wakandacon with groundbreaking black SFF novelists.
  • I danced all over Chicago — Grant Park, cubbie bear, links hall and in both airports!
  • And I got to perform a few shows in Chicago and Michigan with an incredible band.

I have a few other ideas in the works to come out in 2020 😍😍😍

PERSONAL WINS:

I got a new bed! I had been sleeping on the same mattress I had since I was 16 🤣 I feel like a whole grown up now!

I went on an epic adventure — I’ve always been a spontaneous risk taker but because of LIFE I hadn’t left the country in 15 years. It was a profound shift in my self worth and manifesting my dreams.

I joined a new church community that is nurturing and affirming in all the ways I need right now with little Octavia-shaped spaces for me to serve the community too.

And Morrison DaVinci Coltrane Reese AKA MUPPET has joined our family!!!!

ROMANCE:

I was intentionally dateless in 2018… I thought I was ready to dive back in in 2019 but I wasn’t. What I won’t do: I will not *look* for someone. I will not chase someone that doesn’t emphatically reciprocate a desire to be with me. I will not settle. I will not be ridiculed. What I will do: I’m going to keep taking time to meet my own needs, date myself, have fun with myself and be open to the truth that who is for me will come to me with unconditional acceptance 🥰

I got married before I was ready. I had kids before I was ready. I got a divorce before I was ready. I’ve been playing catch-up my whole adult life barely making ends meet.

MONEY:

Finances continue to be painful for me. I got married before I was ready. I had kids before I was ready. I got a divorce before I was ready. I’ve been playing catch-up my whole adult life barely making ends meet. BUT my lights are on and I refuse to let my children grow up the way I did… On someone else’s couch. In someone else’s bed. Doing homework by candlelight. Never having friends over… and I’m certain 2020 is the year when things flip. For the best. And I will never have to have a neck pain, a stomach ache, a twitching eye over money again!

MESSES:

I’m getting sued! It’s a long and agonizing process. If you ask me privately, I’ll direct you to public records. But I won’t comment publicly at this time.

FRIENDS:

I have been practicing intentional friendship the last year or two. Realizing that I’ve always been a bit awkward and I never knew how to do it properly, it’s taken a considerable effort to emphatically reciprocate true friendship. And let me tell you: I HAVE THE BEST FRIENDS. Regardless of the state or country, you spoil me. You remind me that I’m fun and worthy and beautiful and lovable. You know my love languages. In addition to the best gifts ever, you bring me unconditional love, acceptance and forgiveness when I flake. And you never stop. You see me. I am so grateful for your love and laughter. And I am doing my best to mirror it back and reflect big shiny love all over you too. Ok I have to stop because I’m crying.

GROWTH:

Remembering The Force is real. Shifting my inner dialogue. Maintaining healthy boundaries. Advocating for myself — being assertive is not being “mean.” More tattoos. More travel. More 🦆 YES moments. 😁😅🥰

Cheers to 2020

~OR

Fearless

fear·less

ˈfirləs/

adjective

  1. lacking fear.

“a fearless defender of freedom”

synonyms: boldbravecourageousintrepidvaliant, valorous, gallantplucky,lionheartedheroicdaringaudaciousindomitabledoughty;

 

There are so many clichés that teach us to blame ourselves for things not turning out just quite right.

They all sound pretty similar: the one thing standing between you and your dream/success/future/achievement/fulfillment/fill-in-the-blank is you.

Or

get out of your own way

Or

Everything you want to do is on the other side of fear.

My prayer for this year is to be brave.  Fear not. Do not be afraid. Fearless. To stop talking myself out of what I want most. And to keep my list of not sorrys going strong enough to ignore my fear of others opinions of me. And to stop making excuses for falling just slightly short of the mark.

We only get this one shot at life – at least with this consciousness – and I don’t want to look back on my deathbed wondering, “why didn’t I just go for it?”

“why didn’t I just go for it?”

I mean, honestly…what am I afraid of? What are you afraid of? Failing? But what if you don’t fail?

 

 ~OR

Invincible

Today, I am invincible.

in·vin·ci·ble

inˈvinsəb(ə)l/

adjective

adjective: invincible

  1. too powerful to be defeated or overcome.

“an invincible warrior”

synonyms: invulnerable, indestructible, unconquerable, unbeatable, indomitable, unassailable; More

 

You get two sides of me today that combine for all that I am currently feeling: Old Church Lady and Universal Goddess.

  

 First, Old Church Lady:

Hi hunny how you doin. Praise Jesus. Let us turn to Romans Chapter 8, verse 31.

31 What, then, shall we say in response to these things? If God is for us, who can be against us?

 CAN I GET AN AMEN!?

I mean seriously. I didn’t even finish sharing everything I adore about this passage. That right there makes we want to jump up, shout HALLELUJER, cry, dance, throw myself on the floor, roll around in God juice, and do it all over again. I mean for real. Romans 8:31 gives me a burning hot case of the Holy Ghost.

Let us continue…

 37 No, in all these things we are more than conquerors…

(DID YOU SEE THAT? More. Than. Conquerors. Hot damn. My burning hot case of the Holy Ghost just flared up again.)

 …through him who loved us. 38 For I am convinced that neither death nor life, neither angels nor demons,[k] neither the present nor the future, nor any powers, 39 neither height nor depth, nor anything else in all creation, will be able to separate us from the love of God that is in Christ Jesus our Lord.

YAS! YAAAS. YUSSSSS.

Every time I feel like I’ve been kicked in the teeth repeatedly by complete strangers –

Every time I look to those in my life that should love me unconditionally and don’t –

Every time I have to choose to maturely work through the pain of rejection –

Every time I step aside and deliberately decide to not be a victim –

Every time I look at injustices around me; not only in my own life but so many of us that struggle –

Every time I wonder WTF –

Every time I see others writhing in grief –

I open up this passage and remember: THIS. IS. TEMPORARY. You can do this – I can do this – because, really – who could possibly be against us?

And now, Universal Goddess me levitates into the room, calmly stretches her arms in a receiving-energy stature. Her voice sounds like the gentle vibration of harp strings:

 “You are a child of the universe no less than the trees and the stars; you have a right to be here.

And whether or not it is clear to you, no doubt the universe is unfolding as it should.”

THAT IS DOPE. DOPE! And from my most favorite poem ever here (Desiderata on Father’s Day).

Like really. We all got this. We’re made of the same stuff as the stars! REALLY! REALLY. That. Is. Dope. Stars do their star thing. They grow. They shine. They burn. And it is good and right and well. Whatever is happening is just part of how we shine brighter and brighter until we become a new form of energy. What sets out to destroy stars?

So yes, today, I am the stars. I am more than a conqueror. I am invincible.

~OR

don’t regret not doing things…

I saw this on LinkedIn today and had to share. Most of the things I regret — and I hate that feeling of “I shoulda just gone for it…” — are not the bad decisions I’ve made, but the chances I didn’t take out of fear or worrying about what others think of me. That just turns into resentment and bitterness, especially when you surround yourself with people that are confident, outgoing, fulfilled, and happy.

Be bold. Be brave. Do it. You deserve it.

Ten Choices You Will Always Regret Making

Hindsight is a funny thing. Look forward and the path seems uncertain, the future unpredictable. Look back and all the dots seem to connect… except the dots that mark the choices you didn’t make, and the risks you didn’t take.

Here are choices you will someday regret having made:

1. Choosing not to be brave.

Being brave doesn’t mean you aren’t afraid — in fact, the opposite is true. Courage without thought or meaning is simply recklessness. Brave people aren’t fearless;they’ve simply found something that matters more to them than fear.

Say you’re scared to start a business. Find a reason that means more: creating a better future for your family, wanting to make a real difference, or hoping for a more rewarding and fulfilling life.

Once you find a greater meaning, you also find courage. See fear not as something to shrink from but as something to overcome — because that’s all it is.

2. Choosing the pain of regret over the pain of discipline.

The worst words you can say are, “If I had only…”

Think of all the things you’ve wanted to do but never have. What did you do instead? If you’re like me, you can’t recall. All you know is that time is gone and whatever you did instead wasn’t even worth remembering.

Think about one thing you dreamed of doing five or 10 years ago but didn’t work to do… and think about how good you’d be today at that one thing if you had. Think about all the time you wasted and can never get back.

Then, starting today, push yourself to do what you hope to do… so five or 10 years from now you won’t look back with regret. Sure it will be hard. Sure it will be painful.

But it will be a lot less painful than how it will someday feel when you look back on what could have been… but isn’t.

3. Choosing not to say, “I will.”

A boss once gave me what I thought was an impossible task. I said, “OK. I’ll try.”

He told me trying didn’t matter–as long as I didn’t quit, I’d finish it. Trying didn’t enter into it. Persistence was all that mattered.

Often we say, “I’ll try,” because that gives us an out. Our egos aren’t on the line. Our identities aren’t on the line. After all, we’re just “trying.”

Once you say, “I will,” your perspective changes. What previously seemed insurmountable is no longer a matter of luck or chance but of time and effort and persistence.

When what you want to do really matters, don’t say, “I’ll try.” Say, “I will,” and then do everything possible to keep that promise to yourself.

4. Choosing not to take plenty of shots.

You may never create the perfect business plan, may never find the perfect partners or the perfect market or the perfect location, but you can find the perfect time to start — because that time is now.

Talent, experience, and connections are important, but put your all into enough new things, and some will work.

Plus, after you take enough shots, over time you’ll grow more skilled, more experienced, and more connected. And that will mean an even greater percentage of your efforts will succeed. Take enough shots, and learn from each experience, and in time you’ll have all the skills, knowledge, and connections you need.

Ultimately, success is a numbers game; it’s all about taking a shot, over and over and over again. The more shots you take, the more times you will succeed. So get the power of numbers on your side and take as many shots as you can.

There is no guarantee of success, but when you don’t take any shots at all, you’re guaranteed to always fail.

5. Choosing not to move.

Familiarity creates comfort. But comfort is often the enemy of improvement.

If you have a great opportunity and the only thing holding you back is the thought of moving, move. If you want to be closer to family or friends and the only thing holding you back is the thought of moving, move. If you want to be closer to people who think and feel and act like you, move. (When I asked singer/songwriter Lee Brice for the one piece of advice he would give any aspiring country artist, he said, “Move to Nashville.”)

When the fear of moving is the only thing holding you back, move.

Don’t worry. You’ll soon find cool new places to hang out. You’ll soon develop new routines. You’ll soon make new friends. And you’ll gain a great new perspective on your life.

Besides, Thomas Wolfe was wrong. If it doesn’t work out, you can go home again.

6. Choosing not to let go.

Bitterness, resentment, and jealousy are like drinking poison and expecting the other person to die. You are the only one who loses.

Life is too short to resent all the people who may have hurt you. Let hard feelings go.

Then spend the energy you save cherishing the people you love and who love you.

7. Choosing not to say you’re sorry.

We all make mistakes, so we all have things we need to apologize for: words, actions, omissions, failing to step up, step in, to be there when we’re needed…

Swallow your fear — or pride — and say you’re sorry. Then you’ll help the other person let go of their resentment or bitterness.

And then you both get to make the freshest of fresh starts, sooner instead of later — or instead of never.

8. Choosing not to throw out your backup plans.

Backup plans can help you sleep easier at night. But backup plans can also create an easy out when times get tough.

You will work a lot harder and a longer if your primary plan has to work because there is no other option. Total commitment — without a safety net — will spur you to work harder than you ever imagined possible.

Then, if somehow the worst does happen (although the “worst” is never as bad as you think), trust that you will find a way to rebound.

As long as you keep working hard and keep learning from your mistakes, you always will.

9. Choosing to be too proud.

Don’t be too proud to admit you made a mistake. Don’t be too proud to have big dreams, or to poke fun at yourself, or to ask other people for help.

Don’t be afraid to take a chance and fall on your face… and then to pick yourself up, dust yourself off, and go again.

Instead, take pride in the fact that no matter what might happen, you will always get up and go again.

That way, you never truly lose — and your dreams can never, ever die.

10. Choosing not to care.

Rejection hurts. Sadness hurts. Failure hurts; sometimes a lot. So what do you do?

You avoid getting hurt by deciding you no longer care. But then you never get to experience the joy of connection, the joy of happiness, and the joy of success.

Choose to still be in the game. Choose to care.

Choose to live.

Now it’s your turn. What things do you hope to never to regret?

~ OR

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